


Let's (Slowly Let This Go)

by aphesis



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 23:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12994851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphesis/pseuds/aphesis
Summary: Tony gets on with life after the Civil War and plays the cards he's been dealt.Post Civil War fix-it, canon-compliant through Thor: Ragnarok with mentions of things seen in the Infinity War trailer.





	Let's (Slowly Let This Go)

There are two things that Tony Stark knows how to deal with thanks to repeated practice. The first is cleaning up the messes he created, and yeah, sure, some of the messes he made had gotten exponentially bigger with time but he'd also progressed from denying the existence of a problem, to solving it with alcohol, to solving it in ways that mostly hurt himself and/or others, to practically being able to write the goddamn thesis on the best ways to clean things up after you've fucked up, and look this time I tried to do it responsibly with lawyers and not even flipping the bird at a camera once. 

The second is being betrayed. Obadiah had been really tough, but it had taught him that when it turns out your kind-of father is really a greedy, psychopathic murderer, it doesn't matter that it's a shit hand, you have to pick up your cards and play the game. Ste-Rogers is harder because he's not a greedy, psychopathic murderer but a pretty good dude, so him rejecting you doesn't say as much about how evil he is so much as how shit he thinks you are. But Tony still knows it's the hand he's been dealt. 

So when he stares at the letter and phone left for him, he doesn't get drunk and he doesn't fall apart. There's his mess of the Accords he needs to clean up, some legs for him to build, a teenager to talk out of ever getting into this stupid mess, and lots of time that has to pass before it doesn't hurt to breathe. He'd eventually stopped dreaming about the reactor being ripped from his chest, and he'll eventually stop dreaming about a shield slamming into his faceplate.

He burns the letter for the childish satisfaction of it. And he throws the phone into a drawer. 

-

Tony's absurdly grateful for the people that fill the vacuum left behind by the former Avengers. It's all the usual suspects, of course: Pepper, Rhodey, Happy. The people he sort of abandoned when he was so busy with the Avengers. So he lavishes them with gifts. Rhodey gets new legs, Pepper gets new shoes, and Happy gets a new car. Of course, Happy gets the shit end of the stick again because he also gets dumped with the spider kid, but Tony just doesn't know what to do about that. It's hard saying, "It's not that we don't want you in the family, it's that the superhero family doesn't exist." So for now he's avoiding. 

Otherwise life gets back to being surprisingly normal. Now that the heroes aren't fighting each other, the world's back to it's baseline of "peace" where he's not really working up a sweat or in any need of the suit most of the time. He's mostly bored in boardrooms, surrounded by lawyers yelling at each other and working away on his phone because his presence is needed for the scut work of banging out accords that balance freedom and accountability, but he's not actually good at compromises, so his skill set is totally unneeded. 

Instead he's digging up dirt on Ross, because that asshole is going _down_. 

Probably once that fucktard is gone the compromises will actually start working and Tony will magically not be needed in. _Every. Single. Meeting._ And people will finally realise that no, his tech will never be available to the government, didn't he go through trials about this years ago? 

He hates about 98% of his life these days, but that's alright.

-

He keeps having these ridiculous nightmares, and he can't even call them nightmares really, except he wakes up from them with a hard jerk and he's upset enough that if the green guy were around he'd be learning how to breathe or something, just so he can get back to sleep. 

He'd been right that he'd stop dreaming about dying in Russia, but now he keeps dreaming that he's in the Tower or the Compound, and he's just hanging out with the others and things are alright, until something. And it can be anything. It can be a pizza order that gets delivered but is all wrong, and Rogers starts to blame Tony. Or maybe one of their phones is acting up and, "Oh Stark, can't you do anything right?"

And in every dream Tony starts to plead his side, starts to say why it's not his fault, or how he does all sorts of things mostly right, especially his tech. And he gets angrier and angrier because none of them will _listen_. Rogers will just sit there, looking blank, blaming Tony. And every time he gets so angry, he eventually starts to punch him, as Rogers just sits there, blankly looking ahead, never listening and never changing his mind. While Tony yells, "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" and punches him.

-

The compound has become a bit of a mausoleum with just Tony and Vision and sometimes Rhodey hanging about the place, and eventually Tony knows he has to do something about it. But he knows what losing a home is like, so he decides he should talk to Vision about it first. 

It ends up pretty awkward. 

"I'm thinking of moving back to the Tower, or maybe even Malibu, but, uh, you know, I know you've really only ever lived here," he stammers like some grade schooler or something, "and I don't want you to feel kicked out. You're not losing your home if you want to stay, but you're free to come with if you want to, if, uh, you prefer." 

"My home is with you and Mr. Rhodes. I will come." 

And god, Tony is such a dick. He rubs a hand through his hair and mentally reminds himself to call that Spider kid, too, because being the worst defacto leader in the world doesn't make you less of one. "Uh, ok, great. Then, I'm gonna close this place up, ok?" 

Vision nods and goes about his business, and Tony prepares for the inevitable press conference because of course you can't close down the Avengers HQ and not get skewered for it, even when there are no Avengers.

"Guys, listen, I'm closing down the compound because three guys really don't need all this space, and with the Accords not fully hammered out we're not doing much anyway," he tells the press. "We just want to move on, and yes, the Tower's being rebranded as "Stark", because why would we call it the Avenger's tower when there are no Avengers? And no, I don't know where the old members are-" This isn't entirely true, you don't exactly get to lead the only remaining legitimate heroes and not be briefed about what the hell the others are doing or hounded about tracking them down and bringing them to justice "-nor do I care, because there's not going to be some big band reunion or anything. I mean, I'm sure we'll all put our big boy pants on if we're needed and save the world together if something happens, but, god, yeah, all I'm saying is that it's official that we've gone our separate ways so we don't exactly need the facilities and I'm ready to live just as myself again, ok? Sound good?"

He really needs to stop doing press conferences.

-

It would probably really surprise the press to learn exactly just how much he doesn't know about his former teammates. 

Sure, at first he'd tracked their movements. He'd followed them until they made it safely to Wakanda. And he'd figured it out that Barnes was on ice again. But he'd been left a lot in his life, and he knew the rules for surviving that. 

In fact, it was even harder this time. When his parents had died, he'd realised that tracking them in the news and finding all the information he could about them wasn't going to bring them back. It had taken him ages, but he'd figured it out. And when person after person had broken up with him, he'd admittedly sometimes cared but mostly not. With Pep it'd been hard, because he'd honestly tried with her, but he'd figured out that loving a person, and wanting them to be the only person who was your husband were different things because being someone you loved and somebody capable of being a husband and father were different things. But something about losing all of his friends was like being told he was the scum of the Earth. You could be ok, and not a husband, but what did it say about you if people you respected literally couldn't even stand to be your friend anymore? When the only real commitment was spending time once in awhile or grabbing a beer?

And it was when he had spiraled down _that_ line of thought that he decided it was probably healthiest for him not to track the old team anymore. That and he was really jealous of them. Like, they were _renegades_. He was holed up in legal meetings and trying to mentor a freaking teenager and an android and was somehow _legitimate_ , which, just, made no sense at all, how did he fall on the legitimate side of any battle? It blew his mind. He would have been so awesome as a fugitive, living incognito, not responsible to anyone. He'd never played by the rules before and now he was the one who didn't run around doing what he wanted? He was the one stuck at home mourning something that no longer existed?

Fuck that. They could have fun in the jungle if they wanted, but he didn't need to know about it anymore. He could unfollow that old ex, and it would be healthy and grown up and make him at least 50% less miserable. 

But yeah, he really couldn't hide from the official updates, which he assumed were at least a few days outdated anyway. And people were still calling for the old team's blood, because the government still wanted to look less powerless and the average citizens still wanted accountability. He doesn't blame them for wanting those things, he just doesn't want to be the person expected to give it to them anymore. 

-

He tries using B.A.R.F. to help with his memories of Siberia. They haven't given him nightmares in awhile, but sometimes something just hits him out of nowhere and it feels like an iceberg landed on his chest. Like, one time a reporter had asked if his dad had wasted his money spending so many years looking for Captain America under the ice, and Tony had just had a panic attack and literally blacked out until later Rhodey had been soothing and shushing him, and then he couldn't remember if he'd even managed to answer the question and Rhodey'd had to look up the recording to play for Tony.

(He'd answered the question, and looked perfectly fine saying, "I think that just his actions in New York _saving everyone from aliens_ made my father's investment worth it.")

The problem is that he's run hundreds of scenarios now, and none of them have both been authentic and helped anything. He dies in a lot of them. He kills either Barnes or Rogers or both in a lot of them. In some of them he wins everything and comes out on top, clearly right and superior. In some he or Rogers call the game that is being played and stop it in time. But in every one with an even remotely more desirable outcome, either he, Rogers, or Barnes are no longer acting or reacting like themselves. Even when he tries to adjust the variables so that it's only him that's acting completely out of character (like the one where he hated his parents enough to not care who had killed them; or the one where his temper never gets the better of him and he forgives instantly), it rarely comes out remotely okay. 

So after hundreds of scenarios, the main comfort he gets is that unless three entirely different people had entered that situation, things wouldn't have turned out okay. Because while a lot of it is his fault, he's tried taking his personality out of it and inserting Pep's personality in his body and has learned that shit still hits the fan pretty quickly, so really what could he have done differently? 

There's nobody he knows who can do better than Pep, and that means he never stood a chance.

-

It was only a matter of time until shit would hit the fan, and Tony knew that. He hadn't really expected it to be more aliens, however. And this Thanos guy is pure fucking bullshit. But from the moment he's on the horizon, Tony knows one thing: Rogers is going to be coming back.

He's not even sure which babysitter is more worried: Pepper, Rhodey, Happy or Vision. Well, ok, it's probably not Vision. Vision is really fucking worried, but it's not only about Tony. He's got his own shit to deal with if old faces make a reappearance, and also, Tony maybe created him a little apprehensive anyway. But regardless, it's Pepper who gets nominated to talk to Tony. 

"Ok, let me head you off before you start," Tony says, because even as she walks into his quarters he can tell she has her Conversation face on and in his experience, this doesn't tend to end really well for him. "I already know I can't avoid Rogers. Or any of the others. And that I probably need them, right?"

She nods.

"Right, so as I see it, I have a couple of options. I can be my usual snarky self and let it get in the way and get really angry at them and freak out, harm the team, and end up running off to fight by myself. Or I can do my absolute best to squash anything I feel whatsover, channel my inner Ms. Potts and act literally as professionally as I can at any moment." 

"Oh Tony..." she sighs, and he's not really sure if it's a reprimand or sympathy or what exactly, so he keeps going.

"I figure one probably helps save the world and the other probably helps get me killed really quickly, so I really, honestly promise to do my best do to my very best at being very Profesh at all times."

"Profesh?" 

"Professional. Like you. Setting aside all personal feelings for the greater good." 

"You already do that more than you probably should," she says.

"But I can do this, Pep, and I have to. If I don't work with them, I'm dead, and they probably can't win, either. You've seen it; it blocks out the sun." 

"Ok Tony. I didn't come here to talk you out of it, anyway. I just came to make sure you had a plan."

"I do! Be Profesh. Also, I figure that since Rogers is really a leader, and I'm more of a Not Follower, I'll just do my best to follow and not stir shit up."

"Because that's worked in the past?"

"Well, it's a new strategy." Tony shrugs.

"Will you promise to take care of yourself?"

"What do you mean? I always take care of myself?"

"No, Tony. I mean, you probably think that because they all care about each other, that if somebody has to sacrifice themselves, it should be you-"

"Well-"

"No, Tony! I mean it! It doesn't have to be you. Just because they were a crappy team to you doesn't mean that you're the least important member. And just because you're "being Profesh" doesn't mean that your opinion shouldn't matter." 

"Aw, Pep, I didn't know you still felt that way for me-" he started, until he noticed that her eyes were welling up and she wasn't just entirely serious but also really upset about it. "Shhhh, shhh, Pep, ok, yes, yes, I'll do my best, ok? I know there are people waiting for me back home even if they aren't the team. The team can go fuck themselves, but I know who's important." He wraps her in a hug. 

"Ok," she sniffs. 

-

They are getting their asses absolutely handed to them by Thanos when yet another bloody spaceship arrives, but Tony nearly cries with relief when he sees who's on it. He probably shouldn't feel so happy about it, because of Vision, and because Bruce's eyes say that something's gone horribly wrong for him since Sokovia, and Thor's apparently _destroyed his entire planet_ in the name of _mitigating the damages_ and has the entire Asgaardian population with him as refugees. But once they have the chance to greet each other properly, Tony can't help grinning so widely it hurts, or being completely embarrassing and giving them bear hugs, because he's just so relieved to have friends beside him again. People who'd never taken sides and who'd maybe left, but had never left him, specifically. 

So of course he says, "Come stay at the Tower, catch your breath! We still have to sort out this Thanos guy, but I think we all need cat naps." And Bruce probably nods and agrees more because the Tower had still been home to him when he'd disappeared, and doesn't realise yet that the invitation hadn't been extended to everyone.

But Being Profesh all the time has taken a toll on Tony, and it's really nice to have his science bro back again, so Tony lets himself take this but also does his best to answer the questions truthfully and unemotionally when they come. In the end he hands Bruce a tablet and says he should probably take a look for himself, maybe call the other guys for their side of it, which, really, is pretty big of him. But then he blurts that he needs to go find Bruce's stuff from storage, and races down to the basement, like a dog with his tail between his legs, which isn't so brave of him. But he's not hiding, because he figures he has a 50/50 chance here, really. On the one hand, he'd destroyed Ross, right? On the other, everyone else had clearly thought he was wrong and wanted nothing to do with him. 50/50.

So he's pawing through the old furniture that had accumulated in the basement, between the move to the compound and then the move back. And he keeps hearing this beeping. He eventually locates his old desk from the compound lab as the source of the beeping, and opens the drawer to find a clunky, out of date flip phone of all things. Beeping away. _How is that even possible?_ It hasn't been plugged in for months?

He flips it over and opens it up to find out that while Rogers would send him the oldest, most out of date phone in the known universe, he'd first update it with things like a Stark GPS scrambler and oh yes, a shiny SI battery. And Stark grins, because people are always bitching at him about how his batteries only stay charged for like, a day and a half with moderate to heavy usage in a Stark phone, but look at this bitches, you put Stark tech in the world's crappiest phone and barely touch the thing and _that baby can stay charged for months_. Why? Because his tech is the _best_. 

Of course, then he realises that if it's beeping, he probably has a message and flips it over and opens it, and sits down hard. Because there are three voicemails (voicemail full, seriously, Rogers, why is only HALF the tech any good?) and 282 text messages. He opens the most recent.

_Watching you with Bruce is making it even more obvious how broken things are. I hate this._

__

What the actual fuck, Rogers? Tony scrolls to the very first message, which takes about three goddamn years.

__

_You there?_

____

_I really am sorry about how things turned out, even if I didn't have much choice._

_____ _

Tony starts scrolling through and opening them at random. 

_____ _

_He was brainwashed and couldn't help himself. But he feels awful. He's frozen again to ensure he doesn't hurt anyone._

______ _ _

_Are you doing okay?_

_______ _ _ _

_I'm really sorry. I hope I made the right decisions._

________ _ _ _ _

_We went on a mission today. We're all okay._

_________ _ _ _ _ _

_I saw that you're closing the compound. You don't want us to come back do you?_

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

_I'm so so sorry. I should have told you about your parents. I think I regret that the most out of everything._

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tony's mouth has gone dry, and he doesn't even realise his fingernails have bitten into his palm. He just keeps scrolling and hitting on random messages.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Saw Rhodey on the news. He looks like he's doing okay. Sam's still really torn up about it._

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_I don't think I ever listened to you about how much everyone hated and feared us. They still do, don't they?_

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_You threw the phone away, didn't you?_

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_I was wrong about so much Tony, I miss you so much. I don't know how to do this anymore._

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Can you call me anything other than Captain? This freeze is worse than the million insults I imagined._

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Boss?" Friday's voice makes him jump out of his skin.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Yeah?"

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Bruce says you can come out of hiding."

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

-

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tony made a promise to Pepper, which is why discovering a phone with a treasure trove of unwanted information on it is not going to upset his Being Profesh plan. In fact, now that he knows that calling St-Rogers "Captain" bugs him, he's going to take childish delight in it, because he'd missed calling him Capsicle and all the other ways he'd had of needling and getting under people's skin. But especially now that Bruce is officially Switzerland and not taking sides about the war and also staying with Tony (probably because Tony has fewer people, but also because science bros), Tony's got two priorities: 1. Defeat this Thanos asshole and 2. Stay alive while doing so.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And the staying alive while doing so probably means that after spending a whole night listening to voicemails and scrolling through texts, Tony now has to put all his thoughts and feelings about it on the back burner while he sticks to his Being Profesh plan. Because otherwise it's all going to go to hell in a handbasket.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Because he's _really_ fucking pissed off that they weren't actually running around having fun in the jungle. It turns out that Clint was completely miserable, and his wife divorced him and he misses his kids who barely even know him anymore. And that Sam figured out how to use the internet at some point and discovered that, hey, most of the world is terrified of them, and even more now that they're renegades that refuse to be reigned in at all. And St-Rogers had the gall to be proud of him for kicking Ross to the curb, because what the actual fuck, did nobody realise that might have been his _fucking_ plan from the _fucking beginning_? Did they all think he was just super happy to jump in bed with the man who'd made Bruce's life a nightmare? He just had no time to deal with it because he was busy with _Captain fucking America having a fucking breakdown!_ Sometimes you had to wait to deal with certain problems, and the fact that he was the person capable of patience and foresight was _really pissing him off right now_.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And making him want to revoke plan Be Profesh, because these assholes did not deserve to be in charge at all, because clearly they did not have brains. Luckily, the texts made it clear that St-Rogers was just as clearly aware of this. About halfway through the texts something had clearly clicked and he'd realised, _oh hey, maybe Tony'd had a plan, maybe if I'd listened to him, instead of running off half cocked, I wouldn't be living as a fugitive in a jungle with a miserable team._

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Also luckily, Thor was now in charge. Because he was the only one who knew what the fuck was happening. And maybe it was the new haircut, but he wasn't the sort of frat boy Tony kind of remembered. Well fuck, Tony's such a dick. Tony'd lost a few people in a civil war and had been bemoaning it ever since, but Thor had _destroyed his planet to kill his sister_ , and had to evacuate his people and chalked it up as a _win_. He was the only person in this fucked up mess who understood the scale they were playing on. 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

-

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It's not exactly Shawarma when they do finally get rid of Thanos. They're all reeling from the situation, and instead of thinking about eating they're thinking about where to even go. Thor has to negotiate a deal for his people. The renegade Avengers are still basically considered criminals to half the world, and some of the heroes are aliens, so it turns out, strangely, that Tony's really the only one with a home.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tony offers to let the rag-tag bunch of space heroes stay at the tower, they laugh and say, "Why would we stay on Earth?" 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

("And seriously, your music has gone so downhill," Peter adds, which, well, Tony can't deny.) 

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Instead they offer to let him go with them. Probably because he'd basically discovered his kindred spirit in a fucking raccoon of all things. At least until it had tried to steal Rhodey's legs, which was pretty messed up. And the thing is that he's really considering it. The tech is amazing, and he could learn so much, and yeah, he loved some people here, but he'd been lacking any real purpose since the war and now with Thanos gone he'll probably go back to that. Maybe he could ride shotgun to the tree for a bit, and then come back with loads of amazing tech and apply it to SI...

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Don't go..._

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yeah, he doesn't know why he's still keeping the phone. Now it's even in his bedside drawer. He doesn't respond to the texts, and he knows Steve thinks that he got rid of it ages ago. But it pisses him off that Steve should even theoretically get to tell him what to do with his life.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He still doesn't go, though, mostly because of the haunted look in Bruce's eyes, though. He's not sure he's ready for space if the big guy's that fucked up about it, and Thanos came from there and all.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Instead he once again puts on his big boy pants and calls his lawyers and does a lot of yelling and pushing and maybe just the smallest amount of threatening, and voila: everyone's allowed to stay. The old Avengers have all been pardoned and are no longer renegades, which is really only fair considering they just saved the world again and also, most of the rules they broke don't even exist anymore with the accords getting closer and closer to something workable.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Of course, Rogers eyes well up when he tells them this, and Clint gives him a good old shoulder clap. And Tony would almost be ashamed of rolling over and giving in the moment they were willing to have him back, except the offer that probably everyone expects -to reunite the team, to live in the tower or the compound, to go back to normal- never comes, and instead Tony shrugs it off.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Alright guys, I'm off, things to do, people to see. Have nice lives, don't do anything I would do!" He calls over his shoulder as he tells himself he very much does not regret walking away.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

-

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Thank you so much. You don't know how much it means to Clint to see his kids._

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Well, yeah, he kind of does. It's why he did it. He's a dick, but he's not that big a dick.

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He's working on helping Thor, which he's actually enjoying, mostly because he finds Asgaardians as fascinating as they find him. They're as interested in his tech as he is in how they get any of their everything to work (It's not magic, it's just tech he doesn't understand yet), and he has Bruceroni back again.

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But the others left again. Clint's somewhere in America, probably stalking his family, but the others realised that while they'd been officially pardoned and allowed into the public, it wasn't really true legitimacy because it was going to take more than saving the world once as part of a huge team to save their reputation after being hated and feared. 

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_We're heading to Wakanda to check on Bucky, and make sure Thanos' disruptions didn't upset the cryo_ , Steve texts Tony and, uh, ok? But Tony's having a much harder time both not caring about where the team is and ignoring it this time round. Maybe because it doesn't feel as unhealthy. Before it would leave him feeling empty and numb and unable to work every time he started to obsess over the team, but now it feels more like checking in on where Rhodey is or what Pepper is up to. Just with less two-way communication.

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_I think Wanda and Vision are talking again. I'm happy for them. She was so upset when Thanos... I hope you're okay with it._

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yeah, whatever, Tony thinks, because he's not going to stop his friends from being friends just because...whatever. Frankly, he'd tried to tell Viz that he could go with her if he wanted, but Viz is maybe as stubborn as Tony, so they're stuck with each other. 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

But Tony starts to get used to receiving Steve's texts and updates, and maybe gets a bit of comfort from them. The team seems to be doing a lot better than they had before Thanos, and he's surprised to realise he's doing a lot better, too. So thank you, crazy supervillain, you'll never know the good you unintentionally did. 

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

-

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Which was really the sort of realisation that Tony should have known was the beginning of the end, because that's how his life works. Things going well, means something's gotta give. So he's lying in bed after a pretty average day when he hears the phone vibrate on the table beside his bed.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_So Sam says it's maybe unhealthy that I keep apologizing to a phone and only really talk to a phone instead of to people or actually to your face and maybe i [msg con't]_

___________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

God damn old tech with it's character limits on text, breaking up the message.

___________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_need to stop this. You're not there however comforting it's been to pretend you were. I miss you so much even when I'm with you. I waited until I was basically [msg con't]_

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_dead to tell Peggy how I felt and I've made the same mistake with you. We might not be dead but our relationship sure is. So goodbye. I'll throw the phone out._

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tony's heart is racing a mile a minute and he's spurred to action in pure panic and fear, acting without thinking, which he might regret later or maybe he'll be really glad for later because he knows that if he gave this any thought at all he wouldn't respond, but he quickly types in: " **Don't do that. If you need responses, I can do that.** " And hits send.

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_I love you_

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tony blinks, because that came back too quickly to be a response to his text, and also, what? 

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Tony? You still have the phone?????????_

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And that's the problem with texts, really, because when you put that many question marks it indicates a pretty strong emotion but without seeing Steve and without a normal person who uses emojis there's no way to know if those are angry question marks or surprise question marks or which strong emotion is being conveyed. 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Yes. I found it a little while ago.**

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Shit when?_

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Language, Cap. While Thanos was raining down on our heads?**

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Shit._

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**You love me?**

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tony just stares down at the phone and waits, trying to imagine what might be going on with Steve at that point. 

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_You weren't supposed to see that._

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Tony feels a bit hurt about that, although he knows it's true. He can imagine Steve's probably trying to gather himself up after having all his most vulnerable thoughts caught out, so he's mostly hoping that it's not an angry "you weren't supposed to see that". Especially because it wasn't entirely his fault he'd seen it; he'd responded before he got it, and there was no way to see it coming. 

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_I have really bad timing. I said it before._

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Tony doesn't really know what to say to that. Steve doesn't seem angry, so that's good. He seems kind of resigned? Like he loves Tony and doesn't know what to do about it, and when Tony thinks about it, he doesn't really, either. Fuck. Of course, he's also sort of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, because this had definitely not been an option he'd considered on the table and now that it is, he's seeing some really glimmering possibilities, providing, of course, that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train about to hit him. 

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**Better late than never?**

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_Do you mean that?_

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Does he? Because he meant it when he sold the compound and didn't invite everyone back to the tower, and he meant it when he dreamed about punching Steve in the face screaming that he hated him, and he meant it when he'd seriously fucking considered going to space to escape his life. But he'd also really come to appreciate getting the texts, and he knew that mistakes had been made on all sides and regrets were had by all, and it felt so fucking good to just have this comfort back in his life again...

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**I think so. How about for now we just try to keep the lines of communication open?**

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-

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At some point Tony is surprised to realise that he's happy. That things are good. Well, ok, yeah, the world is the usual level of shit and Iron Man is still needed to reign in baddies, and Stark is still needed to do boring legal things and also sometimes sign documents or whatever, but yeah, he's happy. The Accords are finished and everyone's happy with them, and everyone's also signed, which is probably a miracle and he didn't even have to ask. That and the fact that he's a pro at PR, the old Avenger's team have basically been redeemed in the public's eye and are back to basically doing what they want. There's still no centralised HQ; maybe they're waiting for Tony to be ready for that, but he's not sure it's ever going to happen. There are some things that just don't get put back together, and he's not convinced it's not better this way: with lots of little groups flitting around, finding their own homes.

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And there's Steve. Because it turns out that keeping the line of communication open meant slowly, piece by piece building a lifeline, and Steve's now learned one of Tony's lessons and works every day to clean up the mess he made. And Tony still knows that if you stick with the shitty hand you're dealt with, you can still totally win the game, and fall in love with the asshole dealer.

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But seriously, Tony just realised that he's happy, so aliens are probably about to attack.

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End file.
